How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> Marry It!
> What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
> A battery has a positive side.
> What are the three fastest means of=2 0communication?
> 1) Internet
> 2) Telephone
> 3) Telawoman
> How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
> They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
> How do you p*ss off a female archaeologist??
> Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
> How is a woman like a condom?
> Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
> What should you give a woman who has everything?
> A man to show her how to work it.
> Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
> Because you could easily fit another pair of boobs in there.
> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> Put a nipple on it.
> Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
> Why did God create woman ?
> To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
> Why do women fake orgasms ?
> Because they think men care.
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> Nothing, she's been told twice already.
> If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
> Made her chain too long
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she br ings it.
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
> Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> Why do men pass gas more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
> by 90%.
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
> Women will never be equal to men...
> until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a b eer gut, and still think they are sexy.
> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> Then God created Man and rested.
> Then God created Woman.
> Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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